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How to talk to kids about hard things
Children will sometimes hit you with hard questions. That might be especially true after a major event, like the Midtown shootings. FOX 5 Medical Team's Beth Galvin sat down with a child psychiatrist to learn how parents can navigate those difficult conversations.
ATLANTA - It’s been a more than a month since the deadly shootings in Midtown Atlanta.
Dr. Suvrat Bhargave of Center for Family Psychiatry in Tyrone says after tragedies like this one, it’s important to check in with kids, especially those who struggling with anxiety.
"So, it really is about finding out what that child is struggling with before you can address it," Bhargave says.
Instead of talking, Dr. Bhargave says, start by asking questions.
"‘Tell me what you’ve heard. Tell me what you’re feeling," Bhargave says. "Then you can gauge where the conversation is going to go."
Throughout the conversation, stay on the child’s level.
"A lot of times when we’re talking about tough things, we actually use vocabulary that goes above the child," he says. "And now you’ve had a tough conversation that didn’t have an impact. Make sure that you’re having a conversation and a child’s from a child’s point of view."
Throughout your conversation, Dr. Bhargave says, be as honest as possible.
"I think a lot of times we feel like we have to protect our children, and so we cover things up," he says. "A child can tell when we are not being completely honest. You can be concise, but you don’t. You should not try to cover something up. So be real, real honest with them."
Dr. Bhargave says anxious kids often really worry about their safety, and yours.
So, he says, reassure the child you are here for them.
"Let them know that it is your primary duty as the adult to make sure that they are safe," he says. "So, the brunt of that is going to fall on you, not on the child. The second thing to say is there are other people in their lives who are going to be a part of the plan of making sure that they’re safe. It is not just you and I who have to figure this out. We have a team around us who’s going to help us to do this. That way, they know they’re not alone."
Finally, Dr. Bhargave says, try to balance their fears about what might happen.
"While many things are possible, we have to look at what is probable, and, while there are some people who do bad things, there are more people who don’t do bad things," Bhargave says.
At the end of the conversation, he says, check in with how the child is feeling.
"Make sure that whatever their fear might be, whether it is their concern about safety or anything else, that you’ve addressed that before you stop the conversation," Bhargave says.